Monday, November 17, 2014


A lot have been going on lately. I'm sick and I have been for a week now, it goes up and down and it makes me exhausted. And since I've also been sleeping like crap the last week my body hasn't got much rest.

I'm going to some lectures about bipolar disorder to make it easier for me to understand it, learn to live with it and so on. My doctors are trying to find the right dose of my medication for me, and cause of that I've been giving blood for them to analyze. I also found out that if we find the right dose and everything works out they're going to discharge from the psychiatry. I got confused when they said that since I've been going there for almost ten years so I never thought of a time when I wouldn't have to go there, but I also got very excited!

It's still hard for me to adjust to this "new" me. I've always been one of those who never want to disappoint anyone, always be best. I've put too high standards for myself and every time I didn't reach up to those standards I thought of myself as worthless and a waste of space. It's been like that expression go hard or go home except for the fact that go home was never an option in my eyes.

I need to know my limits, not push myself too hard right away. Be happy about the small victories. Stop feeling bad about saying no, whether it's friends, family or work. I'm doing it for me, I need to take care of myself and for once in my life put myself first. It's going to be hard, I know that, but I will make it. Baby steps.

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